Walking in the snowy fields around here we bumped into two jolly snowmen, chatting away about carrots and coalitions. They stopped talking and looked at us. “Who are you”, said Frosty, “We’re property journalists” “Oh”, says Frosty, “Tell your readers to vote for us, we’re going to build lots of houses in cities across the UK and support the housing market”.
“Ha”, says Glossy, “You can’t afford to, but we’ll rebuild the property industry and all will be well!”

We said “So will everyone have their own house under your snowmen?”

“Yes” said Glossy the Snowman, “One day, you’ll all have a house to keep you warm and some people will have two houses, but only if they work very hard like me.”

“Rubbish” said Frosty the Snowman. Nobody wants to own a house, ordinary folk are much happier in a government funded flat, they don’t have to worry then. We look after our people and build them homes where they want to be, near the Multiplex, the Job Centre, Macdonalds and the hospital.”

“You’re so wrong, Frosty” said Glossy “We know what people want and it’s a house in the country, with land, shooting and hunting, we’re the party for rural snowpeople; farmers, chicken keepers, cheesemakers, blacksmiths, people with real jobs, the country is where people want to live. You’re so out of touch!”

“No I’m not!” said Frosty “I know all about the country, I went there when I was a child! But we don’t need people to keep their own chickens, that’s what Morrisons is for! You can buy everything you need in supermarkets! And we understand farmers – we’ve just been telling them how to do their job!”

“Yes but what about estate agents, property investors, commercial agents?” we said. “Who?” said the snowmen, together.